Busiest Week Ever

Since my decision this past weekend, I’ve decided that there’s no time like the present and have started right away to prepare for moving out West and going to school.

First thing is first, I started filling out my application for BYU Idaho. Talking to my younger brother who just went through this process, he said he filled out the application first and then started to figure out all of the other stuff, like paying tuition, majors, etc. AFTER he was accepted. It seemed as good a place to start as any and filling out forms is usually easy. By Thursday, I had finished the short essays portion, which is the last portion you can fill out before extra steps are taken.

I still need to get my Ecclesiastical Endorsement and my high school transcripts, which I ordered on Tuesday from the archives at my old high school, since, you know, it’s been 12 years since I graduated. Heh. The essays were a little hard because it is difficult to find situations in my life where I have taken any meaningful risks or been passionate about anything. I do not think the admissions people would be impressed with “My passion is mac and cheese” nor “One time I risked a lot by taking in a crazy cat and I didn’t even like cats back then” as answers. So, I couldn’t depend on my gut reactions and had to really dig deep for stuff that would be impressive to a school. I got through it, though, and now, it’s just waiting and pushing along these last couple of things.

Next, working on my health. I’ve been fluctuating at 280 lbs. for the past couple of years since my divorce. I don’t consider myself fat and I don’t feel fat. My body length mirror is a really good liar. It makes me look stunning and slender/nicely curvy in everything, only for someone to take a picture of me later that day and I’m like, “Oh. I look kind of like a jelly bean with limbs.” It’s come to my attention enough to make me feel like I want to change, not just for looks and fitting into the skinny jeans I bought back in 2013 but also for health reasons. I’m 29 and fine right now but if I wait a bit, the heart problems will come up, the knees will start to deteriorate, and the rest of the associated diseases will come crashing down on me as I start to enter the official middle aged bracket(30-49).

So, I’ve started eating smaller portions, cutting out sodas, and I’ve started walking every day. I’ve started small, walking about 30 minutes, down to the very end of the driveway and walking all the way back up to the porch 6 times in a row. I like the driveway as practice because on the last leg of a circuit, I’m walking up the hill of the driveway and it adds a little work to it. So far, after weighing myself on Tuesday where I was at 277 lbs, as of today, I’m at 273. Not bad! I hope to keep a steady pace of losing weight, not too dramatic. I haven’t changed much about my eating habits other than smaller portions, which are regular sized portions to everybody else(hey, you don’t get to be jelly bean shaped from holding back at meal times!). I think it is mostly the walking, which is where I really want to focus my efforts. I like the time outside and moving about and feeling like I can move, without losing a lung or needing to sit, you know?

Next was working on the driver’s license. The biggest hurdle to my independence and yes, I am determined to make an effort on this. I am not special. There’s not some weird mechanism inside me that will make driving specifically hard for me to do. I can learn to do it with just as much ease and confidence as everyone else. There’s no reason to wait until I’m out West. I can at the very least get my permit and practice while I’m here. …Even though every time I plan for that part, I keep wanting to ask if anybody wants to go to the Price Chopper parking lot at midnight and let me drive around with no other cars or people around. I get all the sensations of panic and anxiety when I actually think about driving on the curves and hills of the actual roads at 35-55 mph around here. Like the whole thing, limbs shaking, wanting to vomit, hair standing on end and nobody is even saying, “Hey, alright, let’s get you behind the wheel” yet! I’m just sitting here peeing my pants over the thought that I might eventually have to.

First, I just have to get the thing and then we’ll figure out the where and when of practicing. So, I looked online and figured out everything I needed to get before going and what time we had to be there on Thursday. Danny, my younger brother, takes me over there at 8:30 right when they were supposed to open. There’s already a line of people outside the door, standing in the frigid air, waiting for it to open. When it does, the percentage of us waiting for the permit stuff or ID preliminary stuff, are snootily told, “Go over on that side! PennDOT handles that! We open at 8:30! PennDOT doesn’t open until 9:30!” Like we were supposed to know that when the website lists just one opening time for the entire building.

I’m 4^th in line and as the time passes, the line gets bigger behind me. I’m sitting there and the time starts to get to me a little bit. So, I say a prayer in my head, asking Heavenly Father to help make things go quickly. Then I jokingly said, “Well, do what you can; I know, it’s the DMV! Hah! …I’m not saying you can’t do it—I’m just joking, Heavenly Father!”

Not long after that, some ladies come in and open up the desks on our side of the building. They opened 3 stations and I began to internally celebrate about how quick this was going to go with me being fourth in line. The guy ahead of me gets done in less than 3 minutes and it’s my turn! I go up to the desk and she asks me for birth certificate, SS card, and something with my current address on it. Boom! I got all of those! Then she asks me for the physical form and I ask her what that is, at first thinking she means ‘physical’ as in hardcopy. She turns to her little shelf and swipes out a piece of paper and slaps it on the desk for me. Then she tells me I have to get a physical and have the doctor fill out the form. And that was that. I left the line and stepped back outside at 9:35. When I realized, I glanced up to the heavens and shook my finger with a smirk saying, “Aha! Good one!”

The rest of Thursday was good, although hectic here and there as I tried to figure out why certain things weren’t working with my application. In the end it all got figured out. Then I helped TB with his Easter talk, helping him understand the Resurrection of Christ and what that means for us. It was a bit of a learning experience for me as well, because it’s something I haven’t focused much on since I’ve returned to church. We found the talk “The Resurrection of Jesus Christ” by Elder D. Todd Christofferson and I read it aloud from the beginning to see what TB thought of it. Elder Christofferson details the resurrection of Jesus Christ right after he died and who came upon him and the order of events. I was caught by surprise by a wave of sudden emotion as I got to the quoted part by Talmage, where Mary Magdalene finally realizes it is Jesus while talking to him outside of the tomb. The Spirit testified to me so strongly at this part, the truth of these events and I empathized greatly with Mary’s reaction upon recognizing him. Just the tender address they have to each other, her relief and joy, not just realizing it was him but truly happy to see him again. TB looked at me like I was crazy as I started crying and I had to pause for several minutes before being able to find my voice again.

I am just so grateful for this gospel in my life and to be able to feel in my heart that these things are true. Even with all my stresses in trying to get these things done in a timely fashion, I feel my Heavenly Father guiding me and bolstering my spirits with these tender mercies and witness.